Authentic Leadership: Lessons from a Reluctant Leader

Honestly, I have never understood how I always end up in leadership roles. It’s not a confidence thing—I mean, I know things. I like things to be done right. I’m an advocate, but honestly—if it could be anyone else!? Well, maybe not anyone else. I’d want them to be fair and to listen. I would want them to be inspired, to strive for greatness! Yes, I have some standards, so maybe not anyone—but why me?

Maybe you can relate. The reluctant leader. When I think back, I remember my father-in-law being frustrated with an issue in his business. I was helping unload a truck. He told me, “No one wants to be the heavy.” I felt that. The ball always rolls, and it rolls toward the person in charge. That is not an easy spot to be—the heavy. The one who says yes, or worse, no. The one who keeps things moving and has the answers. I definitely did not want to be ‘the heavy’!

Fast forward—I’ve been running our family business with my partner for almost 20 years now. I’m pretty good at it, though I’ve had to learn to accept that I’m a leader. It’s in my fiber, but I have also adopted a leadership style totally unique to me. I lead my way—for better or for worse—the best I can, in alignment with my vision, my values, and my experiences. Here are my life lessons from a reluctant leader.

1. Avoid emotional decisions

I can only speak from my own experience, but being a leader is a big investment. You give so much of yourself and really get close to the people and projects you work with. When you feel super excited, mad, sad, frustrated, or even bored—practice the pause. I’ve saved myself a lot of heartache by not sending that email or deciding on an issue reactively. I wish I could say that is all wisdom and insight, but life is our best teacher, and from my own trial and error—sleeping on it or stepping away for the weekend sometimes gives you the best way to clearly see your best next step.

2. Be confident

I do not mean false hubris. Confidence isn’t about being the smartest person in the room. There have been plenty of times when that is not me. In fact, if I always feel I am the smartest, well, I’d better find a bigger room. My point is, I have not always been the smartest, but I am confident in my fortitude, my skills, my knowledge, and the fact that I’m not a quitter. I will stick with it and figure it out. In my experience, that confidence and steadfastness—that is the difference between good and great—not who’s the smartest, fastest, or prettiest. It’s grit and drive.

3. Be a visionary

Leading is hard. Leading without a clear vision, in my opinion, is close to impossible. It’s like traveling through unknown waters without a map. If you don’t know your ‘why,’ if you aren’t passionate about the direction you’re heading, how can you expect others to follow you? Have a clear vision of your why, but also remember to share it with others.

4. Listen and receive feedback

This one is tough. Our egos. I just talked about vision and passion—so important! Sometimes, though, things get lost in translation, or your vision or your path needs some adjustments. What you imagined may lose traction in practice. Be willing to listen to your audience and know when to adjust. It is key to success but also to earning their respect and commitment. When you lean in and listen to your audience, the next step you take is together. When they see the vision, that’s when the magic happens.

5. Accept that you’re a leader

If you’re in a leadership role long enough, there will come a day when you just don’t want to deal with it. The ‘it’ can vary, but you just don’t want to. You are tired of being ‘the heavy’ or didn’t cause the problem. As leaders, we are accountable to our teams—for better or worse. We are accountable to all of them and to ourselves, and often that means stepping up when others step away. That is the job; to accept the glory, you must accept the responsibility of leading and being accountable to others.

6. Sometimes, being wrong is right

Oh, when you’re a leader, your word is law. Except when it’s not. As I said earlier, sometimes we have the best-laid plans, and they just don’t go the way we hoped. It is so important to be humble and be willing to admit when things need to change—or even when you get it wrong. Being wrong doesn’t mean failure, unless your ego is too unwilling to admit you need to adjust. You can’t really be a leader without accepting that sometimes things won’t work. It’s in those moments, though, that you often jump to the next level—if you’re willing to adjust your sails!

7. Stay the course

Being a leader, you need to be steadfast. Every project, team, and initiative I’ve been a part of has had ups and downs. A lot comes from experience, but you need to be able to recognize when to stay the course and when to make an adjustment. No one likes change, so resistance should be expected. Too much change is chaotic; it makes people question your vision, your course. Sometimes, you need to absorb the blowback and let things settle themselves. Sometimes, turbulence is a reflection of needed changes. Learn to know the difference.

8. Boundaries and self-care

Leadership isn’t for the faint of heart. Like my father-in-law told me years ago—no one wants to be the heavy. It can be a tough and lonely place, even if you do so many things right! Practice healthy boundaries—leave work at work and don’t take things personally. Your passion is incredible. But work, for many, is still work—even if you put lipstick on it or pair it with an inspirational quote. Practice self-care; do the things that refuel you as often as you can. You don’t need to earn rest; we are only as good as we allow ourselves to be. This has been a tough lesson for most, including myself, but you are an example, and your healthy boundaries and self-care habits give others permission to do the same.

The lessons of a reluctant leader. What I’ve learned? I don’t need to always be the heavy—I don’t need to lead any other way than the way that is true to me. When I’ve been authentic and led in line with my vision and values—when I’ve been wrong—well, sometimes, those were the moments I shone the brightest. See, people like real. And when you see them, hear them—even when you admit you got it wrong—they appreciate your humanity. At least, that has been the journey for this reluctant leader. When you lead people the way you’d want to be led—inspired—they feel that, and you win your audience. You can lead in a way you feel proud.

My name is Taylor Urban, I am a writer, runner, cancer survivor, mom, friend, and wife. I run a business with my husband of 20 years. I am a reluctant leader, an advocate of sorts, and an introvert who cherishes seeing my peeps, but also alone time in nature with my dog Chili, running, or writing in my journal. I hope you enjoy my musings.